


Fever Dream

by katzengefluster



Category: iKON (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, it's a birthday fic so no spoiler tags until my bff reads it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 12:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11313894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katzengefluster/pseuds/katzengefluster
Summary: Where others look at Kim Hanbin and see an arrogant aloofness they'd expect from a YG idol, Kim Namjoon sees a shy kid who clearly doesn't know how to make friends. Something in Hanbin's inability to socialize has Namjoon's protective instincts kicking in and he decides to play the role of Prince Charming. But what he doesn't expect is that buried underneath Hanbin's shy exterior lies a completely different animal, and Namjoon's not sure if he can keep up. You can bet your ass he's going to try, though, because Hanbin is a once in a lifetime kind of guy, and Namjoon feels like he's been waiting for him since forever.





	Fever Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZombieCheeze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieCheeze/gifts).



> I want to wish the happiest of happy birthdays to my other half, my bestest best friend, my platonic soulmate, the apple of my eye and greatest partner in life anyone could ever have! We travelled to see BTS together in March, and at the end of our trip we walked along the beach and I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, and she said "Write me some Hanbin/Namjoon!" and I said "Fuck yeah!"
> 
> And now here we are. This story has gotten way bigger than I originally thought it would get, so I'm sorry I don't have all of it finished right now (I'm sure you don't mind;). I can promise it's only going to get more intense from here on out, but all in a good way. ;)

Hanbin’s thought about it (extensively) and has come to the following conclusion.  
  
Yang Hyun Suk must take some sick pleasure out of watching him suffer.   
  
It’s not that he thinks the CEO doesn’t like him (he knows the contrary to be true, even though he’s never really heard it with his own ears; but enough positive comments _about_ him have come back to him through other people) but he also can’t help but think that he just seems to get it worse than anyone else. Maybe Yang wants to push him harder, thinks Hanbin can handle more than anyone? Wants to break him out of his reclusive shell?   
  
It has to be, because he can’t think of _any other reason_ why YG would suddenly change his mind regarding his company’s attendance at this stupid end of year industry get together. It’s for group leaders only ( _of course_ ) so he’s had to come without his members. Seungyoon _conveniently_ wasn’t invited (because Winner didn’t promote in 2015, and the boss likes to have his musicians keep that air of mystery surrounding them when they’re not in the midst of promotions) and Chaelin is _conveniently_ preoccupied with some fashion thing overseas. The only one here with him is Jiyong (even though he sulked for the entire car ride here because he hates these forced socialization parties and he’d had plans to go clubbing with Xin that he had to postpone).   
  
Well, Jiyong _was_ the only one who’d come with him, but he’d been whisked away almost as soon as they’d arrived. Hanbin’s not even sure who he’s with or where he went (though Jiyong did send him a text, at least, apologizing for leaving him to fend for himself, so Hanbin knows it wasn’t an attempted extortion kidnapping).   
  
Hanbin is _shit_ at socializing with strangers. He’s fine greeting the other idols, he can answer questions well enough (short answers only) but he is horrible at small talk. Can’t do it to save his life.   
  
He’s been looking for Jiho, the only person he knows that he expects to see here, but he’s either not coming or hasn’t shown up yet (again so _convenient_ for Hanbin’s suffering). He’s not familiar with anyone else, doesn’t have any idol friends outside of iKON. How the hell is he supposed to survive the rest of the night? He’s only been here for half an hour and he’s already exhausted all of the greetings and questions that have come his way.

Everyone probably thinks he’s being arrogant, everyone probably thinks that he feels like he’s too good to be here. He has some half-crazy idea to stand up on a table and shout to the whole room “ _I’m not an asshole, I’m just really shy!_ ”   
  
But of course—he’s too shy to do anything like that.   
  
So instead he just sits down at one of the open tables and takes out his phone and retreats.   
  
God, the others are going to flay him alive for being such a chicken shit (it’s not like any of them have room to talk, though, except Donghyuk). He prays for Jiyong to come back, he’d be _happy_ to sit at a table and just talk to Jiyong for the whole night. They don’t need anyone else!   
  
But then a chair scrapes the floor next to him and he looks up from his phone, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it’s Jiyong, returned from wherever he was dragged off to?   
  
It’s not.   
  
But he feels a churning in his gut as he watches who sits next to him, has no idea what to offer in greeting. He’s almost a little terrified of what this visit might be regarding.   
  
“B.I-ssi, you don’t mind if I sit with you, do you?”  
  
Hanbin shakes his head, can’t bring himself to respond with words because suddenly his mouth feels like it’s super glued shut.   
  
“Kind of shocked to see you here,” the intruder says, and Hanbin nods again, “I didn’t think YG sends its idols out to any cross-promoted events!”   
  
Hanbin laughs nervously. “Yeah, lucky me, first time.” It’s not that Hanbin finds Kim Namjoon intimidating, not in the slightest (when you work for Yang Hyun Suk, _no one_ can quite manage to intimidate you afterwards). He’s just hoping that the whole diss battle bullshit doesn’t come up. Since it had all happened pre-debut, Hanbin hadn’t really gotten involved. But apparently fans have brought it up on-line now that his group has finally debuted, and Hanbin knows that Namjoon and his group are far more active on social media. Is he going to say anything about it?   
  
“So, how are you enjoying it so far?” There’s an amused smirk on Namjoon’s lips when he asks and Hanbin wonders if he’s trying to gently scold him for not trying harder to socialize.   
  
Hanbin pointedly shuts off his phone and slips it back into his jacket pocket before answering. “Oh, you know, it’s the highlight of my week!” He jokes back, trying his best to be friendly.   
  
“I can tell,” Namjoon answers, “catching up with all your friends!” He winks at him and Hanbin still isn’t sure what the purpose of this chat is, exactly.   
  
“Well, you know, hard to make friends when you don’t really get out.” Hanbin answers.   
  
“That’s why I figured I’d come over and say hi,” Namjoon says, “it’s tough not knowing anyone, and what with you being YG, most people probably won’t try making the first move. You guys are all a little intimidating, to be honest.”   
  
Though it was said politely, Hanbin wonders if it was meant politely? And really, he has to bite back a laugh at being called _intimidating._ Okay fine. Maybe he’s got a cold image (not maybe, he _definitely_ has a cold image, at least to people who don’t know him) but if anyone in this room knew what he was _really_ like, they’d probably cough up a lung from laughing so hard.   
  
“Ah, well, thank you--” what on earth is he supposed to call him? “I’m sorry, how would you like me to address you?” God, can he be any more awkward? He still isn’t sure if Namjoon is going to bring up Bobby, and he doesn’t want to offend him before finding out.   
  
“Ah, I know we don’t really know each other, but you can call me hyung if you want, or my name. Do you mind if I call you by your name? It would be awkward if we keep calling each other by our stage names when it’s a personal event, right?” Namjoon smiles, and Hanbin smiles back. Okay. This is friendly?   
  
“That’s fine, and thank you, then, hyung.” Okay friendly but it still feels a little weird. “I mean, thank you for sitting and talking.” Hanbin’s going to kick _his own ass_ at this point. Namjoon grins at his response, but his eyes look a little fond, Hanbin thinks? Not that he knows him well enough to judge.   
  
“You really don’t get out much, do you?” Namjoon teases, and Hanbin grins back at him.   
  
“Not since 2011.” Namjoon chuckles at his comment, and Hanbin feels a little relieved by it.   
  
“Did they send you by yourself? Isn’t anyone else from your company here?” Namjoon inquires, and he honestly does feel a little bad for the kid. Does he really not know anyone here? At all?

“Just me and Jiyongie hyung came, no one else promoted this year, and our boss loves to keep that air of mystery.” Hanbin explains with a slight touch of sarcasm that makes Namjoon grin.  
  
“Where is he? Talk about an intimidating person! I’ve met him a few times but, every time feels like the first time, you know? I mean we’re all huge fans of him, my whole group. It’s kind of terrifying, looking him in the eye!” Namjoon isn’t exaggerating. G Dragon has a way of making you feel like he doesn’t remember ever meeting you. Namjoon has never thought it was arrogance, probably just the culmination of _literally everyone_ trying to get in tight with you to make an impression.   
  
“Ah, he got whisked away as soon as we came in.” Hanbin can’t help but smile when Namjoon calls Jiyong intimidating. He and Jiyong are two peas in a pod, really—cold and intimidating exterior personalities that are really just the result of extreme shyness around strangers. He’d been intimidated by Jiyong years ago, but they’re very close now.   
  
“What’s it like, working with him?” Namjoon asks. “Sorry, I don’t want you to think I came over just to talk about your seniors!”   
  
“No, it’s okay! Everyone always asks,” Hanbin replies, not bothered. Honestly Jiyong is a pretty easy topic of discussion, so he doesn’t mind. “He’s actually not as intimidating as he seems. We’re really close, he’s been a good mentor for me over the past year, especially. We talk a lot.”   
  
“Ah, that sounds nice, having someone with such experience there to guide you.”   
  
Hanbin nods, because it has been nice. “I don’t get to see him that often, since we’re both really busy, but I see him enough. He’s been a big support musically, he came to check on our album whenever he was in the studio. It’s great getting his opinion.”   
  
Namjoon thinks it’s wild that Hanbin has such access to someone like Kwon Jiyong. Almost like some kind of teenage movie. Hanbin is the nice (but ultimately spoiled) rich kid, while Namjoon’s the kid from the wrong side of town, constantly amazed at everything Hanbin’s had handed to him. Well, maybe he shouldn’t say handed, because he’s sure Hanbin has worked his ass off for everything he has. Even though he’s never watched them, he knows about the survival shows the iKON boys went through (Jungkook always seems to bring them up when they talk about other groups).   
  
“Look who’s playing babysitter for me!” They’re interrupted by a loud voice that belongs to none other than Woo Jiho, the very person Hanbin’s been hoping to see tonight.   
  
Hanbin turns around the second he hears him, relief flooding through him at the recognition. _Finally! Someone he knows!_ Talking to Namjoon has been nice, but he’s ready to be joined by someone he’s a little more familiar with.   
  
“Hyung, where’ve you been? Why are you so late?” Hanbin stands up, greeting Jiho with a hug. It’s funny, because he’s not even _that_ close with Jiho (not for lack of interest, just lack of time) but suddenly he feels like he’s meeting a family member.   
  
“Ah listen to this kid! Whining already!” Jiho greets back, hugging him tightly before ruffling a hand through his hair. “I see you’ve made a friend, though! _One_ friend.” Jiho looks at Namjoon, an amused grin on his face.   
  
“Trust me, I’ve had to do all the work!” Namjoon replies, reaching out to bump fists with his old friend.   
  
“Ah, why am I not surprised?” Jiho says, shaking his head at Hanbin before pulling a chair around and sitting down between the two of them. “Did you even try talking to anyone else?”   
  
“I made the rounds!” Hanbin says, a little more defensively than he means, which makes Jiho laugh.   
  
“Sure you did, Hanbin-ah. Well that’s okay, I’m here now, hyung’ll take care of you.” Jiho says it all with annoyingly fake sincerity, and Hanbin sits back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.   
  
“I had him talking, he was doing okay!” Namjoon says, winking at Hanbin.   
  
“Poor kid needs help, that’s what we all say.” Jiho teases, but he still smiles affectionately at Hanbin.   
  
“I’m right here! Can you cut it out?” Hanbin whines, glares at Jiho.   
  
Jiho shakes his head. “Not a chance. I almost wasn’t going to come tonight, but then Seungyoon texted me and told me he wasn’t coming, then I knew you’d have no one to save your sorry ass from yourself.”   
  
Hanbin glares at him. “Well you can leave! I made another friend, I don’t need you.”   
  
“Ah, did you hear that?” Namjoon says with a grin and a light slap to Jiho’s arm. “He called me his friend!”   
  
“Wow, moving fast there, Hanbin! And to a hyung, too!” Jiho teases again, and they both laugh when Hanbin actually blushes at the comment. “Ah, can you believe this little dork?” Jiho says to Namjoon. “Hard to believe it’s the same guy who rips trainees new assholes when they don’t practice!”   
  
Hanbin groans because he knows what’s coming, but Namjoon looks perplexed. “I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to run that by me again.”   
  
Jiho’s eyes light up and he looks at Namjoon. “Have you not seen that clip? It’s gold! Hold on, you need to watch it, it’ll make this whole night ten times funnier.” He digs his phone out and opens his video app, and Hanbin groans again.   
  
“Hyung, seriously! Put your phone away, you’re being rude.” Hanbin grins and leans against Jiho, but it doesn’t deter him.   
  
“Stop whining, Joon needs to see this!” He queues up the video and passes his phone to Namjoon. “I like to watch this from time to time, when I need inspiration as a leader.” Jiho says, teasing Hanbin.   
  
Namjoon watches the video (of Hanbin lecturing some group member about not practicing) and Hanbin whines in Jiho’s ear the entire time. It’s only two minutes, but it’s enough. Namjoon hands the phone back after he finishes watching it and stares at Hanbin. “You’re kind of terrifying.”   
  
Jiho bursts into laughter and Hanbin shyly shakes his head, but he laughs too.   
  
“The fans call him Tiger-bin,” Jiho explains, and he cracks up again, and Namjoon laughs too. Hanbin just sighs in irritation (fake irritation, because even though he’s being teased, it’s nice because it feels like he’s talking to friends, at least) but by the end he’s quoting the scene verbatim for Jiho, and he stares both of them down with his intimidating blank expression.   
  
Finally Jiho relents, though, and they move on from the topic. “So are you excited for your pet show?” Jiho asks. “Bobby told me you were filming it soon.”   
  
Hanbin smiles at the question, because that’s a topic he’s excited to discuss. “Ah did he? Yeah, Jinan-ie and I are excited! It should be a lot of fun. We met the rest of the cast this week, I’m excited to work with them. Ho Dong hyung especially was really great.” Hanbin describes the program to them and they talk for a while, and Hanbin feels elated to be out socializing with people that aren’t his members. It’s a rare occurrence, and he’s not so angry with Yang anymore.   
  
Hanbin feels his phone buzz and he’s tempted to ignore it because he’s enjoying the conversation, but at the last second he realizes it might be Jiyong. It is.   
  
_-where ru? just got done and comin down-_   
  
Hanbin looks around the room, scanning for Jiyong while Namjoon and Jiho talk to Jaebum, who’s just come over to say hello. Funny how he’d been happy a second ago, but now that Jiyong’s familiarity is available Hanbin wants to leap back into its waiting arms. He finally sees him enter the room on the other side, and Hanbin waves at him to get his attention. Jiyong starts making his way over, though he has to dodge through a sea of formal greetings from everyone in the room. Hanbin turns back to his group now since Jiyong knows where to find him, and even though he’s already said hello to Jaebum earlier, he gets a more in depth re-introduction from Jiho.   
  
Jiyong doesn’t reach him for a good three minutes at least, and when he does he looks annoyed. He’s trying to hide the irritation, but Hanbin knows him well enough to see it.   
  
“Ah, my most beloved hyung! I didn’t know you were here?” Hanbin greets him teasingly, dodges when Jiyong tries to swat his arm.   
  
“Don’t get smart with me, I just had to endure over half an hour of complaining from some M Net producer.” Jiyong grumbles. “He didn’t even offer me a drink.”   
  
“Oh is that who dragged you off?” Hanbin asks, unable to help but grin at him.   
  
Jiyong nods. “I’ll tell you the whole story in the car.” He finally looks at Hanbin’s companions, nodding to the three of them politely before looking back at Hanbin.   
  
Hanbin grins at him, unable to help but laugh a little nervously. “Hyung, I made friends!” Hanbin says, and Jiyong is embarrassed already.   
  
“Correction, he made _one_ friend!” Jiho says, not as intimidated as Namjoon or Jaebum, because he’s on semi-friendly relations with Jiyong. “We were already friends, so I don’t count.”   
  
“Is that my cue to leave?” Jaebum asks and shakes his head.   
  
“You just joined us, the two of you haven’t had the opportunity to establish a friendship yet!” Jiho says, grinning at Jaebum. “Hanbin and Namjoon were talking before I even got here, so for Hanbin, that means they’re practically brothers already.”   
  
Jiyong grins and reaches out to pat Hanbin on the head. “A whole friend! My little social butterfly; hyung is proud of you, Hanbin-ah!” Jiyong teases, and the other three laugh at him while Hanbin just accepts it with a smile. “I don’t mean to get in the way of your socializing, but I do have a few people I need to talk to, and I should introduce you.”   
  
“That’s okay, you know me, I’m not good with prolonged periods of exposure to new people.” Hanbin replies with a grin.   
  
“Ah, do you hear that? We’re shafted already!” Jiho teases. “Those YG types, keep to themselves!”   
  
“And with good reason!” Jiyong replies, grinning cheekily at Jiho. “Did you get their numbers at least?” Jiyong asks Hanbin, who just laughs. “Hanbin-ah, we’re not leaving until you get their phone numbers.”   
  
“Give me your phone,” Jiho asks, hand held out expectantly, and Hanbin whines and unlocks it before handing it over, nervous to let someone else hold it. It’s stupid, of course, but his whole life’s in there (professional at least, because he’s got two phones). Jiho puts in Namjoon’s number himself and calls it, so Namjoon gets Hanbin’s number, before passing it to Jaebum, who puts in his own number before handing it back to Hanbin.   
  
“There, are you happy now?” Hanbin asks Jiyong, who nods.   
  
“It’s for your own good.” Jiyong pats his head again and it’s a struggle for Hanbin to pretend to be annoyed. He likes being touched by Jiyong, though. Likes it even more since they’re in public and everyone can see it. “Alright, well, thank you guys for babysitting my kid while I was occupied!” Jiyong says, and Hanbin whines again.   
  
“Be good to your hyung, Hanbin-ah!” Jiho teases him, and Hanbin glares at him.   
  
“Call me sometime if you actually want to go out into the real world!” Namjoon teases, and Hanbin grins back at him.   
  
“I told you, I don’t go out!” Hanbin replies and laughs when Jiyong makes a disgusted noise.   
  
“You should go out. Please Bin-ah, go out! You need time away from your members every now and then. It’s good for both you and them!” Jiyong lectures him, and Hanbin grins over his head at Namjoon.   
  
“I get time away!” Hanbin argues.   
  
“Being in the studio and working while they’re all sleeping is not what I mean!” Jiyong chastises as he waves goodbye to the other three and leads Hanbin away.   
  
“Sorry I don’t have a multitude of Japanese friends I can go and visit on a whim!” Hanbin says, grins when Jiyong glares at him.   
  
“Forget Japanese friends, you don’t even have any Korean friends!” They both laugh as they make their way through the throng of people, and Hanbin has to endure greeting people he’s already greeted tonight, just because he’s with Jiyong now. But that’s fine. He doesn’t mind.   
  
They get to leave nearly two hours later and Hanbin checks his phone as he’s sliding into the car next to Jiyong. He’s got messages from Bobby, Junhoe, Donghyuk, and Namjoon. He opens the last one first, taking advantage of his social disposition while it’s still intact.   
  
_‘i mean what i said, if you ever want to hang or just need to talk to someone who understands what youre going through, hit me up, im always available’_   
  
The message makes him smile. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever follow through (he hopes he will, because he actually really enjoyed talking to Namjoon) but it’s nice to have the offer.   


* * *

  
To his own surprise he actually does take Namjoon up on the offer a few weeks later. He and Jinhwan just finished filming for Mari and I, and they’ve got a free schedule for the rest of the day. Hanbin’s not in the mood to work on music, and normally he’d go visit his parents but they’re away. He’s tempted to just go home and sleep, but the day is full of sunshine and instead he sits on the swings outside of their apartment building and texts Namjoon.   
  
_‘hey hyung, u busy today? i just finished filming the pet show and its so nice outside i dont wanna go to the studio’_   
  
He doesn’t bother reading over the message before sending it because if he starts debating what he should write, he’ll probably never be happy with it and he won’t bother messaging Namjoon at all.   
  
_‘hey hanbin!! you asking if i wanna hang out?’_   
  
Hanbin grins at the question and hopes he’s not about to get turned down, because it’ll probably set back his willingness to be social.   
  
_‘yeah if youre not busy!’_   
  
The waiting feels murderous, but Namjoon replies and says that he’s not busy and that he’d love to hang out. But that appears to be the easy part. Where the hell are they going to go? Turns out they’re not terribly far from each other, so Namjoon agrees to visit the cafe where Hanbin and his members usually go for coffee. It’s quiet and they never seem to get bothered there.   
  
But Hanbin feels like he’s doing something against the rules (even though he’s not) and he feels like someone’s about to pop out from the bushes to scold him. Clearly this is a sign that he needs to get out more. He gets a table at the cafe, and the owner actually opens up the back patio for him so he and Namjoon can have some privacy (clearly Hanbin doesn’t come here enough because he didn’t even know that there was a back patio). He thanks her and sits and waits.   


* * *

  
“So is it just you, or is there anyone else in your group?” Namjoon asks.   
  
“Nope, I’m that lucky _one in seven_ statistics like to mention.” Hanbin replies, rolling his eyes.   
  
Namjoon smiles at his answer. “Did you ever have any trouble from any of them?”   
  
“Who, my members?” Hanbin shakes his head as a soft smile comes to his lips. “Not once. But I came out to them really early, and they always respected it.”   
  
Namjoon seems surprised. “No one’s bothered?”   
  
Hanbin grins at his shock. “Nope. Hell we all shower together sometimes, no one cares. It’s like they don’t even think about it, really. Honestly sometimes I think they forget.”   
  
Namjoon smiles. “That’s awesome, I’m happy for you.”   
  
Hanbin fixes him with a curious look. “What about you? Do you ever get trouble for it?”   
  
Namjoon winces. “Ah, honestly? I actually haven’t told my members. Not that I think they’d be bothered by it, I think they’d be fine. I’m just very secretive about certain things, you know? Then again I’m pretty sure Yoongi knows, but he’s not the type to ever say anything.”   
  
Hanbin nods, and he’s honestly a little surprised that Namjoon has never told them. Hanbin doesn’t believe in keeping secrets from his members, not with something that could potentially cause problems if it ever got out. But then they’d been through so much together already, more than most groups experience. Maybe he just overshares, and Namjoon is the norm. “I keep a lot to myself too, but not about this sort of stuff. We’re all really open with each other about this. It’s mostly stress I keep to myself.”   
  
Namjoon laughs faintly at that. “Ah yeah, _that_ I can relate to!”   
  
Hanbin smiles. It must be a leader thing. “Some things they just don’t need to hear, you know? I always keep that stuff to myself. I’m a firm believer in, _if you can’t help me, then I won’t complain to you._ It’s just pointless to bog someone else down with your worries if they can’t fix it for you.”   
  
“That’s true,” Namjoon says, “but at the same time, not all complaints are for things that need fixing, you know? Sometimes you just have to complain to get it out of your system.”   
  
“Ah, hyung, that’s why I have a diary!” Hanbin replies, and it makes Namjoon laugh.   
  
“Are you serious? You have a diary?” He doesn’t think it’s something to make fun of Hanbin over, and that’s not why he’s laughing. Hanbin just doesn’t strike him as the type.   
  
Hanbin grins and nods. “It’s mostly just filled with pages of me writing _YG_ and then scribbling angrily over it.” Namjoon bursts into laughter and Hanbin’s smile is so wide it almost hurts.   
  
“Ah, that’s precious! I swear if you’re lying to me about it, I will be pissed!” Namjoon threatens, and Hanbin grins like a little kid.   
  
“I’ll send you a picture of it later.” Hanbin promises, and Namjoon says that he’ll be expecting it.   
  
“So, does your family know that you’re gay?” Namjoon asks, because they’ve only talked about their members so far, and he’s curious to know more about Hanbin’s family.   
  
Hanbin nods. “I told my parents when I was fifteen.”   
  
“How’d they take it?”   
  
“They were worried, because of the industry. They were afraid that I’d have to sacrifice too much of myself, but really it’s not any different than it would be if I were straight. Can’t really date as an idol anyway.”   
  
Namjoon’s surprised at the nonchalant way Hanbin talks about telling his family. “They didn’t care at all, personally?”   
  
Hanbin shrugs. “Honestly, my parents aren’t really your typical parents,” Hanbin laughs, “they’ve always respected my choices from day one, they always treated me like I knew what was best for me. I wasn’t even afraid to tell them. I knew they’d still support me. They don’t have a problem with it anyway, my parents are really open-minded.”   
  
“Wow, you’re really lucky, you know.” It’s not that Namjoon’s jealous, exactly, because he loves his family and he loves his members, and while he’s sure he’d have everyone’s support if he came out, he’s still _worried,_ and Hanbin has apparently _never_ been worried about it.   
  
Hanbin just smiles, and Namjoon can see all the affection he holds for the important people in his life right there in his eyes. “I know, I think about that a lot. Whenever things aren’t going the way I want them to go, I think about all of the things that could be worse. Puts everything into perspective real quick.”   
  
Namjoon nods, because that would be a good tool. “So, what made you decide to tell them, anyway?”   
  
Hanbin grins. “My first serious crush on a guy,” he answers, and Namjoon grins. “It was affecting my ability to co-exist happily, so I needed some advice.”   
  
“Who was your first crush?” Namjoon asks, and it feels very personal. It’s nice, though, having a conversation _this_ personal with someone else. Hanbin is a good person to talk to.   
  
Hanbin grins and wonders how Namjoon will react to this. “Bobby.” Namjoon’s expression says it all, and Hanbin laughs at his disbelief.   
  
“Let me get this straight,” Namjoon says, “you had Jinhwan there, and you fell for _Bobby?”_   
  
Hanbin laughs even harder. “Ah, Jinan’s not my type! Bobby, though... Bobby frustrated me a lot sexually. I mean, when it was just the three of us, we did everything together, you know? We showered together, ate together, we even slept together sometimes, the three of us. Bobby was really homesick, missed his family, and Korea was all weird to him after being away for so long. During the day he’d get all grumpy when I tried to cuddle with him, but at night he’d be the one holding on to me instead.”   
  
Namjoon smiles at the thought of _Bobby Kim_ cuddling with Hanbin. It’s ridiculous.   
  
“So I went home to see my parents, and told them how I felt. My mom told me that you can’t help who you fall for, and that even sometimes when you fall for someone who can’t love you back the way you want, then you just have to learn how to love them differently. Bobby’s straight, I always knew that, but she was right. I love him, he means the world to me, and I just had to learn how to love him a little less.”   
  
“How did that work out for you?” Namjoon asks, and he’s thoroughly _fascinated_ with this discussion. Namjoon understands how frustrating it is, living with guys you think are attractive but can’t touch.   
  
“It’s a daily struggle,” Hanbin admits, and gets them both laughing again. “If Bobby came into my room tonight and told me to roll over, I’d let him fuck me so hard I’d be rapping in falsetto for a week.”   
  
Namjoon’s crying, he’s laughing so hard. “Jesus, Hanbin!”   
  
“Yeah, Jesus is kinda my problem!” Hanbin jokes, and it makes Namjoon laugh even harder. It feels good, though, to laugh openly about the struggle with someone who understands it.   
  
It takes Namjoon a moment to catch his breath. “Does he know, that you had a thing for him?”   
  
Hanbin nods. “Oh yeah, as soon as I talked to my parents I went back to the dorm and told them both. _‘I’m gay, and I have a crush on Bobby hyung.’_ ”   
  
“How did they respond?” Namjoon’s curious, again fascinated by the topic. Hanbin is so open and frank about the whole situation.   
  
“Jinan was in shock, and Bobby was a little upset for a few days. He was quick to say that he didn’t think I was gross, or anything, but it’s admittedly a little surprising. I’m not really good at being subtle, so I probably could have gone about it in a better way.” Hanbin grins when he thinks back on it.   
  
“How did he get over it?” Namjoon asks, and he’s legitimately curious, because it’s a very interesting situation.   
  
“I guess he didn’t really have a choice. Jinan went back to see his family that weekend because his sister was graduating, so it and just me and Bobby. He had a Skype call with his parents one night, and after it was over I heard him crying. We weren’t really talking much, so I couldn’t do anything for him. But that night he came to my bed and asked me if we could sleep together. From then on, it was like it always had been and we were back to normal. I just had to give him time to accept it.”   
  
Namjoon is surprised at the simplicity of it all. “That’s kind of sad, but really sweet all the same.”   
  
Hanbin smiles at the comment, because things between he and Bobby really _are_ sweet. Bobby deals with a lot of annoying shit from Hanbin, stuff that he knows he probably shouldn’t be doing, but Bobby never really complains. “He told me one time when I asked him outright if my constant flirting with him bothered him, that even though it sometimes got annoying, when he thought about it in the grand scheme of things he’d rather have me flirting with him than mad at him, or ignoring him. He knows it means that I love him, but he knows I’d never take it too far.”   
  
Namjoon nods, suddenly understanding something. “Be grateful for what you have, because it could always be worse.”   
  
Hanbin nods back. “Yep, that’s where I learned that from. He also tells me he’d rather know that my affection is being safely spent on someone who loves me back, instead of on some strange guy who might not be properly invested in me.”   
  
Namjoon laughs, but in all honesty it’s kind of a sweet sentiment? “How protective of him.”   
  
“Mm, shocking, right?” Hanbin grins, and it feels so nice to talk about all of this with someone else in the industry. He’s always known that there other gay idols, it’s just difficult to make contact with them. But he’s got Namjoon now, so maybe it’ll make things a little bit easier.   
  
Namjoon looks at the time, and he’s shocked at how long they’ve been sitting together and talking. He doesn’t want to leave, but he’s got a mixing session in forty minutes that he’s not prepared for at all. “Ah, Hanbin, I need to get going. I really don’t want to leave, because this conversation has been amazing, honestly. I’m happy we were able to talk about all of this, though. I feel really comforted, hearing your story.”   
  
Hanbin smiles warmly at him, and appreciates the sincerity. “Let’s talk more about you, next time, okay hyung?”   
  
Namjoon nods, and he hopes there will be a next time. The connection is too strong for this to be just a one time meeting. “Deal.” They get up and stand by the wall, shielded from view because there are no windows. It all feels a little surreal to Hanbin, to be out with someone that isn’t a member of his family, his group, or his agency, existing freely. It’s nice, but at the same time he’s afraid of getting too used to it. There’s no way he’ll have time for this on a regular basis.   
  
“So, are we really going to do this again sometime?” Namjoon asks, and he desperately hopes Hanbin is going to say yes. There’s something comforting in their similarities that Namjoon wants to explore in more depth.   
  
“Uh, yeah, sure,” Hanbin replies, and he’s still a little torn, “I don’t know when, we’ll be touring soon. We have our shows at the end of the month, then off to Japan for the next month and a half.”   
  
“Japan already?” Namjoon asks, and he seems surprised.   
  
“Yeah, where there’s a profitable market, there’s a YG group trying to establish themselves.” Hanbin jokes, though he gets why Namjoon is surprised. It’s a little unusual, how quickly they’re going on tour.   
  
“That’s awesome for you guys, though! I hope you enjoy it.”   
  
“I’m sure we will,” Hanbin answers, “it’s a little stressful but we’re a performance-based group, and we need the practice, so the more shows we can do, the better we’ll get.”   
  
Namjoon actually laughs at his comment, and Hanbin looks at him curiously. “Sorry, it’s just that your performance is already better than like, half the groups that have been in existence for longer than you. But go on, if you think you need practice.”   
  
Hanbin grins at the comment. He doesn’t think it’s true, not by a long shot. They’re decent performers at best, they have a long way to go. “I’ll text you though, let you know how I’m holding up.” He hopes that won’t be a problem for Namjoon.   
  
“Please do, I want to know how Japan goes! I’ll be watching you on the pet show too, it’s been cute so far.”   
  
Hanbin grins. “Ah yeah, it’s a blessing. Even if they all treat me like their litterbox.”   
  
Namjoon laughs. “Well, you make a cute litterbox.”   
  
Hanbin looks at him then, wonders if Namjoon is trying to be subtle, or if he’s just making a joke. Hanbin’s terrible with subtlety though, he can’t do it himself to save his life. What does he even want? Does he want the comment to be a joke? Is he hoping for subtle flirting to test the waters?   
  
Fuck it. It’s not like Hanbin can swim anyway.   
  
He leans forward, pressing his lips to Namjoon’s, hoping that he didn’t just read way too much into the situation. But Namjoon presses a warm hand around the back of Hanbin’s neck and kisses back, and Hanbin’s over the fucking moon that for once he took a chance and found a reward.   
  
Namjoon wraps his other arm around Hanbin’s back, holding him tightly, like he’s afraid to let him go. It’s dangerous, of course, especially given Hanbin’s agency, but fuck it. Kissing another guy feels too good.   
  
When they eventually break apart Hanbin bites his lip, almost in disbelief at what he’s gone and done. It’s stupid, but sometimes stupid decisions are the best ones to make. He meets Namjoon’s eyes and he can’t help but smile, because he knows that even though there are going to be risks, what he stands to gain by this is worthwhile.   
  
They understand each other, they’re in similar situations. Neither one of them will be stupid about it.   


* * *

  
Hanbin’s just finished showering and he lays back on his bed in the hotel, exhausted but happy. The Japan tour has gotten off to a good start, they’ve just finished their second show in Chiba. It’s kind of intoxicating, really, that they’ve barely debuted and they’re already doing multiple shows in the same city? It’s more than they’d been hoping for at this point. At first they were happy just to finally debut, but then to debut with an actual concert? And then months later and they’re already on tour?   
  
Hanbin can barely believe it sometimes. It’s been a bizarre start to their career, sometimes it feels like they’re doing everything backwards. But on days like this when everything goes perfectly he has to remember to appreciate what he has. Why question a good thing?   
  
Right now what he has is a hotel room completely to himself, because the hyungs have decided to go for a few drinks, and even though he’s 20 in Korea Hanbin’s only 19 in Japan, so he couldn’t go. Which is fine, because he doesn’t drink anyway. Having an empty hotel room is better, in his opinion. The other three are gathered in Junhoe’s room, where they’ve ordered room service and are watching a movie, but Hanbin declined that invitation.   
  
Instead he takes out his phone and sends a text to Namjoon.   
  
_‘2nd show was good!!!! japan been so good to us i almost cant believe it?’_   
  
Namjoon’s reply is quick, and it makes Hanbin smile.   
  
_‘awesome news! proud of you guys, happy you are doing good there!’_   
  
Hanbin wonders, since he’s got the empty room anyway…   
  
_‘u busy?’_   
  
Again Namjoon’s reply is lightning quick.   
  
_‘not really, working on some stuff. why you asking?’_   
  
Hanbin grins to himself and wonders if he’s really about to suggest this? It’s so outside the realm of things he’s ever contemplated doing, but he’s on a high after the concert.   
  
_‘u wanna chat? video?’  
_   
He hopes Namjoon gets the context he wants, because Hanbin’s still a little shy about the whole thing.   
  
_‘yeah sure hang on lemme lock the door here’_   
  
Hanbin waits, and a minute later he’s got an incoming video call from Namjoon that he accepts eagerly. They’re face to face on the screen then, and Hanbin waves at him.   
  
“Hey, hyung!”   
  
Namjoon smiles back at him and returns the wave. “Where are you?”   
  
“Hotel,” Hanbin answers, before giving Namjoon a quick video view of the room, “the hyungs went out for a drink, and the others are watching a movie, so I’m alone.”   
  
Namjoon’s eyebrows raise at the comment, and he wonders what Hanbin expects from the call. “Ah, alone in a hotel! Sounds really nice.”   
  
“It’s bliss! I just had a really nice long shower and was tempted to just go to sleep, but, I thought I’d see if you were busy.”   
  
“Ah, you put me before sleep, I guess I should take that as a compliment?” Namjoon teases, grinning when it makes Hanbin smile that cute smile of his.   
  
“Big compliment!” Hanbin agrees, before angling the phone out to show the length of his body, which is covered in only a single towel around his waist. “It’s a nice bed!” He says teasingly, grinning at the look of appreciation in Namjoon’s expression.   
  
“Yeah, surely looks it,” Namjoon replies, barely keeps a comment to himself about how Hanbin looks pretty damn good too. Unless Hanbin’s fishing for a compliment? Is he? Sometimes it’s hard to tell with him.   
  
“Mmm, it’s comfortable, but a little big.” Hanbin replies, and he hopes he’s not blushing because that was kind of direct, wasn’t it? Ah well. He doesn’t think Namjoon will mind.   
  
“You sleeping in that thing by yourself?” Namjoon asks, a little surprised at the comments Hanbin keeps making. Are they really about to do what Namjoon thinks they might be doing? Why else would Hanbin want a video chat, only to show off the fact that he’s naked except for one towel? Namjoon’s not sure his heart can take it.   
  
“Unfortunately,” Hanbin replies, before winking at him.   
  
“Unfortunately?” Namjoon replies. “Just who exactly would you want filling up the empty space?” He teases, and bites the inside of his cheek when Hanbin angles the phone down again and Namjoon can see his chest. The dark curve of Hanbin’s scripted tattoo always takes Namjoon’s breath away.   
  
Hanbin grins at him in a mischievous sort of way, before running a single finger over his chest, watching Namjoon’s face. “No one special, any warm body would do.” He laughs when Namjoon frowns at him, and just like that he’s lost his hold momentarily.   
  
“You’re terrible at this whole flirting thing!” Namjoon says to him, shaking his head.   
  
“I’m sorry hyung, should I try that again?” Hanbin asks, angling the phone again as he drags a finger across his chest, circling the bud of his nipple, and he feels a little victorious when it makes Namjoon lick his lips. Hanbin doesn’t think he realizes that he did it. He barely keeps himself from saying something lame, like _‘like what you see?’_ because even though he’s not the best at this whole flirting thing, he knows that’s a little too dorky and cliched for this moment. Better to say nothing at all.   
  
Namjoon _does_ like what he’s seeing, though, he likes it a lot. Maybe it’s a little weird, but ever since he’s started talking to Hanbin, he’s been looking up pictures of him on-line too, spends too long staring at pictures from concerts of Hanbin wandering around shirtless. Hanbin’s very lithe and slender, but there’s muscle underneath it all, and everything is toned perfectly. Namjoon’s thought a few times about running his own fingers over Hanbin’s skin, his tongue too, and now that he’s seeing it in real time, over his phone? He wants it even more.   
  
There’s something special about knowing that this viewing is only for him. It makes him feel like less of a creep.   
  
Hanbin trails his fingers down from his chest until he reaches his stomach, where he’s got the towel tucked in. He runs his finger along his skin, traces a circle around his belly button, casual in his exploration of himself. He tilts the phone up a bit so he can see Namjoon’s face, and he smiles and carries on when he sees how hungrily Namjoon is staring at the screen.   
  
It feels both strange and wonderful to know that someone is lusting over him right at this very second. He’d never thought he’d ever have to nerve to do this, but here he is, putting on a wicked little display for another guy, and the excitement is enough to make his toes curl in and he feels like the adoration itself is enough to make him hard.   
  
Namjoon wonders if he’s going to get the whole view, or if Hanbin is just being a horrible tease. He wants to ask, to tell, wants to demand that Hanbin get rid of the damn towel. He’s hungry for more, wants to see everything Hanbin can possibly show him. But how do you even say something like that without sounding like a bad porn? _‘Hey baby, how about you get rid of that towel for me?’_ just sounds so fucking cheesy that he can’t bring himself to say it.   
  
Luckily for Namjoon, Hanbin wants to do more than just tease tonight.   
  
His fingers stop at the towel, digging underneath where one end is tucked into the other, and he pops it out and casually flicks one end of the towel away, revealing his left leg. It’s so weird, being on display on his own phone screen, half naked and with a very captive audience. He’s never done this before (okay he did _once,_ when Bobby was filming him, but they were doing it as a joke to Jinhwan, and they’d both ruined it anyway by giggling like stupid little kids the entire time) so he really hopes he’s not being awkward about it.   
  
He’s not being awkward at all and Namjoon is entranced, watching him slowly reveal himself. He can feel his dick getting hard inside his pants, and he’s glad he had the foresight to lock the door. He doesn’t think anyone’s going to come bother him, because he told the others he was working on music for the night and not to interrupt him, but sometimes Jungkook likes to come anyway and listen to things Namjoon is working on.   
  
He really hopes that’s not going to happen tonight.   
  
Hanbin brings his left leg up, sliding his foot against the comforter, and he runs his finger along the exposed flesh of his inner thigh, swallowing hard at how turned on he already is just from being watched. It’s crazy, what the whole thing is doing to him. He keeps the phone angled so just his left leg is visible, just to tease him. But when he looks at the other side he can see the length of his own erection pushing up against the towel, and holy shit is he really doing this? Is he really about to jerk himself off on camera?   
  
Is he being a little too forward? He and Namjoon have never gotten to do anything more than kiss each other, and it was only that one time. Is he doing this a little too fast?   
  
No. It’s just the industry they’re in. If they were normal people leading normal lives, Hanbin is sure they’d have gone on multiple dates by now, and they’d be doing this in person instead of over the phone. He can’t wait an eternity just because they have conflicting schedules.   
  
Instead of showing Namjoon the other side, his still covered leg and visible-through-towel erection, Hanbin switches the camera back up to his face, grinning at Namjoon like he knows just how frustrating he’s being. Namjoon’s eyes are pleading, and Hanbin can’t get over how hot it is, knowing that someone else wants to see him naked so bad.   
  
Namjoon is silent for a moment, processing what they’re doing, and when Hanbin just keeps the camera on his face he finally breaks his silence. “Is that all I get?”   
  
The question makes Hanbin grin. “Was there something else you were hoping to see, hyung?”   
  
Namjoon is glad they’re not in the same room otherwise he’d be tempted to throw something at him. The teasing is almost too much. “No one likes a tease, Hanbin.”   
  
“You seem to be enjoying it just fine,” Hanbin replies, winking at him. “But I guess, maybe, I could show you a little something more.”   
  
Namjoon holds his breath at the words, wondering if he’s really going to do it, if he’s really going to get to see Hanbin fully naked. He’s never done this over the phone before, never had the nerve.   
  
Before he has the chance to second guess himself Hanbin turns the phone back on his lower half, gives Namjoon a good shot of his towel-clad erection, but before whisking the towel completely off Hanbin think that maybe he needs to have a bit of fun with it first?   
  
He runs his finger over the hard length, clenching his muscles involuntarily at his own touch. He hears Namjoon gasping over their connection, and it’s almost enough to make him come. He can’t be that easy, though! He closes his eyes for a moment, catches his breath, and then he moves his finger again, tracing up and down the length, keeping his touch light and casual. Anything harder and he’d be coming all over the hotel towel.   
  
Namjoon can’t believe his eyes. All he’d been hoping for honestly was a look, just enough to see all of Hanbin and commit him to memory. But Hanbin’s actually playing with himself, stroking himself on camera, and Namjoon feels so fucking dirty for watching, which is weird, because he’s watched a ton of porn in his life that’s way dirtier than this.   
  
Maybe the difference though is that he _knows_ Hanbin. He’s kissed him.   
  
Feeling dirty doesn’t mean he feels bad, though.   
  
Hanbin finally adds his thumb to the mix, running both fingers along the outside of his length, before digging in with the towel and wrapping his hand around his dick. Namjoon mutters to himself on the other end, and Hanbin feels like a God, feels amazing. Despite being an idol, he’s never really thought about how something so simple could turn on another person. It doesn’t count when he contemplates the fans, because they’re all in love with an idealized version of himself, and as much as he loves their adoration, it’s not for _him_ in the same way that Namjoon, right now, is for him. They think they know him, but they don’t.   
  
Of course Namjoon doesn’t really know him either. But it’s still different. Better.   
  
Namjoon hasn’t wanted anything to disappear off the face of the planet more than that fucking towel. He’s desperate to see Hanbin fully, wants to see every inch of him, he’s dying for it. His hand is already in his own pants, and he doesn’t even remember when he’d done it, doesn’t remember what the breaking point was. But he’s got his hand wrapped around his dick and he’s panting already.   
  
Hanbin doesn’t move his hand for a moment, just keeps it tightly clenched around his dick, because he can hear Namjoon, and he’s pretty sure he’s got his hand on himself already. Should Hanbin feel proud of turning him on that quickly? He hasn’t even gotten to the good part yet.   
  
He opens his hand up, and his erection stays popped up a little, tenting the towel still laying across his right leg. He supposes it’s time for the full show, then.   
  
Without warning he pulls the towel away and keeps the camera pointed at his dick, waiting for Namjoon.   
  
“Holy _fuck,_ Hanbin!” Namjoon hisses, and despite wanting to see it so bad he can’t help but close his eyes for a second because if he doesn’t he’s sure he might come. When he blinks his eyes open again Hanbin’s got his fist back around his dick, and he’s slowly working it up and down, his touch light at the moment. He wishes he’d thought this through a bit more. He’s got lube, but it’s in his bag.   
  
Namjoon can’t stop staring. He knows that he may be a little strange in his personal aesthetics, but he actually thinks that the male genitalia is gorgeous. He’d stare at pictures of dicks all day, if he had time, and Hanbin’s is perfect.   
  
Namjoon’s licking his lips again and Hanbin has never been happier to have someone staring at him. He pulls his dick in towards him, shows Namjoon the underside, and Namjoon’s little whimpers are fucking intoxicating. All that, from the mere sight of it?   
  
Hanbin’s never felt more confident than he does right now, which seems weird to him. Namjoon is the perfect audience, though, delighting over every little detail his eyes can make out, making a flurry of appreciative little sounds, and Hanbin has no doubt anymore that Namjoon’s fisting himself, he can see it in the jerky movement of his camera.   
  
It turns Hanbin on even more, and he zooms in on the tip of his dick, at the little spot of pre-cum that surfaces, and Namjoon’s hastily spoken _‘Shit!’_ almost sends Hanbin over the edge. But he manages to keep himself stable somehow, breathes in deeply and out slowly, wants to make this last however long it can.   
  
He finally touches his index finger to the wet spot, lightly spreading it around the head, and he feels a little dizzy at how amazing it feels. Not just the touch, but the _desire_ he can feel over their connection.   
  
Namjoon almost can’t take it, he has to stop stroking himself and hold tightly at the base before he blows his load all over his stomach. God, Hanbin is just breathtaking. Namjoon wishes someone had invented the damn teleporter, because the only place he wants to be right now is in that damn hotel room, with Hanbin’s dick buried in his mouth. Or his ass. He’s not really picky.   
  
Hanbin wants to set a faster pace, but he knows that if he does it without getting lube, he’ll wake up feeling raw and uncomfortable and he’s not about to abuse himself when they’re in the middle of a tour.   
  
“Give me a sec, I need to grab something.” He sits up and grins into the phone’s camera again, and he hears Namjoon’s breath come shuddering out, and Hanbin’s not quite sure if he just came or if he’s relieved for a reprieve.   
  
He springs up from the bed and stoops down by his bag, fishing around inside, and it takes him a moment to realize that he’s not even looking in his own bag but in Jinhwan’s. He laughs at his impatience and finds his own backpack, unzipping the inside pouch and pulling out his favourite bottle of lube. On his way back to the bed he gets a sudden idea, and he looks at the bedside table, thinks that he can make this work.   
  
He picks his phone up, showing Namjoon the bottle of lube, and he grins when Namjoon gives him a frustrated laugh and a growling _‘fuck, Hanbin!’_ Hanbin sets the phone up on his table, propping it up until the angle allows him to sit back a bit on the bed, on full display for Namjoon. He waves again, and Namjoon smiles and can’t help but laugh a bit, wonders just how much Hanbin intends to show him?   
  
Hanbin’s not entirely sure of that himself. Now that he’s got both hands free, he wonders...should he show it all? It’s been awhile since he’s had the time to do this, anyway. He’ll have to stick to his own fingers, because he didn’t bring anything with him to do the job. Lube he can explain away no problem at customs. A dildo, though… That scandal might just cost him his career.   
  
But for now he just kneels and faces the camera, takes his dick back in his fist and pops open the bottle of lube. He squirts some over the tip and shivers a bit at how cold it is. It gives him goosebumps, but that’s fine, he’s always enjoyed the extra sensitivity. He spreads the lube around, coating his dick, and finally then he pumps his fist hard and fast.   
  
Namjoon watches, he can’t get over the shock of what he’s seeing. Hanbin’s actually doing it, he’s actually jerking himself off over their phone connection, and it’s all for him. Just for him.   
  
“Come closer,” Namjoon says, because he wants to see it in detail, “you’re too far away.”   
  
Hanbin is surprised to hear him speak, but he does as he’s told, comes right up to the edge of the bed until the screen is mostly just his dick and his hand and Namjoon’s strangled cry of _‘Jesus, Hanbin!’_ just makes him roll his hips forward and buck into his hand, biting his lip to keep from crying out even though Namjoon’s not being all that quiet.   
  
He’s not sure how he manages, but Hanbin stops himself before he cums, because he does not want his phone covered in cum. That would be a terrible idea. He grips his base tightly, gives himself a minute to get a hold of himself before sitting back. Namjoon is staring at him with wide eyes, and Hanbin grins back at him, panting heavily. They’re communicating with their eyes, asking all the cheesy porn lines that neither of them want to say out loud.   
  
Hanbin’s not done, though. He gives Namjoon his best Cheshire Cat grin, picking up the bottle of lube again and squirting a generous dollop on his fingers, before snapping it closed and tossing it down on the bed.   
  
“Guess what this is for?” He asks softly, waving the fingers at Namjoon.   
  
Namjoon stares back at him in surprise. There’s _no fucking way_ Hanbin is about to do it. No way. Namjoon can’t even say anything in response, he just stares longingly at Hanbin, wants nothing more than to be right there in person with the lube on his own fingers.   
  
Hanbin winks at him before turning around, leaning on one arm with his ass stuck up, and he doesn’t wait before he starts spreading the lube around his hole, he’s so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t even wonder if this is something Namjoon actually wants to see.   
  
Of course it is. Namjoon watches, entranced, as Hanbin starts to finger himself. He watches as he sinks one finger in, inserting it up to the second knuckle, and Namjoon thinks he might just come again. His hand is already covered in cum from Hanbin’s close up, and he’s barely able to sit upright in his chair. He thinks he should move over to the couch in his studio, but he doesn’t trust himself to be able to get there.   
  
Hanbin adds a second finger, and Namjoon’s stroking himself again, but softer this time, slower so he doesn’t overdo it. He doesn’t want to miss a second of Hanbin’s display.   
  
Hanbin doesn’t bother adding the third, because he’s got nothing bigger to put inside anyway. Instead he searches out his prostate, rubbing the little nub until he makes himself whine out loud. There’s something different about doing _this_ on camera than there was about fisting his dick, but Hanbin isn’t entirely sure what that something is. Before he felt kind of sexy, for the first time in his life, but now he just feels dirty.   
  
He’s surprised at how much he likes the feeling.   
  
Namjoon’s making those whimpering noises again and they urge Hanbin on, make him flick himself more insistently, and he knows he’s getting so fucking close, his limbs are shaking from the build up, but he doesn’t want to cum yet, not like this, not with his back showing. So he takes his fingers out and kneels up, ignores Namjoon’s muffled protests and rearranges all the pillows on the bed, piles them up behind him.   
  
He lays back against them, and it’s not perfect but it’ll have to do. He slides his knees up at his sides, and then places another pillow underneath his ass before he grabs the lube again, panting as he squeezes some out onto his fingers, and even though he didn’t want to cum with his back to Namjoon, he can’t quite bring himself to look at his phone either, so instead he just stares down at himself, watches as he takes his dick back in his fist, as his other fingers disappear in his ass again.   
  
It’s a bit of an awkward position but he makes it work because he’s desperate, not just for orgasm but he’s desperate for the audience, wants Namjoon to watch him fucking himself. Wants him to see what it will be like, whenever they get to do this in person.   
  
Namjoon can barely hold his own orgasm back, because he can’t believe Hanbin is doing this, can’t believe he’s so comfortable with himself doing this, that’s he’s comfortable with doing it for an audience.   
  
Which makes Namjoon wonder—has he done it for someone else before? Who even taught him this? Of all the things Namjoon’s done to himself before, he’s never done this, never fucked himself so wildly with his own fingers. He could never get the angle right, never reach the right spot.   
  
But Hanbin looks like he’s about to make himself black out from the pleasure and Namjoon doesn’t know how he can do it without screaming. He’s been so quiet, nothing but barely contained whimpers coming through the phone. Namjoon wants to yell for him, wants to scream for him, but instead he just watches.   
  
Hanbin barely has the presence of mind to turn his head to the side and bite the nearest pillow, muffling himself into it when he finally cums, teeth biting hard into the feathers while he spills over his hand, he can feel it all dripping down onto his stomach, and he somehow gets it in his head to pull his dick back, giving Namjoon a view of the load scattered across his skin.   
  
That’s what makes Namjoon cum again suddenly, and he squeezes an orgasm out of himself for the third time that night, breathing hard and barely upright anymore. He’s not even sure how he’s managed to keep hold of his phone, but he fears that it might take him a while to unclench his fist around it. Wonders if it hasn’t become fused to his skin.   
  
As soon as it’s over Hanbin almost feels like panicking. What the _fuck_ did he just do? Has he lost his fucking mind?! He stays back against the pillows, terrified to look at the screen. This would be the biggest scandal if it got out, iKON’s leader finger fucking himself to orgasm, like some kind of dirty whore. Everything would be ruined, everything he’d worked so hard for would go up in flames--   
  
“That was amazing,” Namjoon says in a shuddering breath, breaking Hanbin’s momentary panic. He nods but doesn’t look at the camera, using the convenient excuse of his orgasm to be silent. “Holy fuck, Hanbin, I don’t think I’ve ever…” Namjoon is breathing really hard, like he can’t get a decent breath of air.   
  
“Ever what?” Hanbin asks softly, curious about the comment.   
  
“Ever been so fucking turned on in my entire life.” Namjoon replies, and he laughs suddenly, and the next second he’s angling his own phone down. “Look at this,” he says, because he wants Hanbin to see it, wants him to know exactly what he’s done. Namjoon shows off his own mess, his right hand covered in cum, flecks of it scattered across his belly and his shirt and Hanbin breathes a sigh of relief at the sight.   
  
He’s fine. This was certainly not a mistake.   
  
“You made me cum like, three fucking times!” Namjoon admits with a laugh, and Hanbin laughs too.   
  
“You’re welcome.” Hanbin replies, and he feels elated again, like he’s coasting on the clouds, the sun lighting up his face.   
  
“Holy shit, I can’t get over it,” Namjoon breathes hard, still unable to move, still waiting for his hand to cramp and drop his phone. “You’re so hot, Hanbin, so fucking hot.”   
  
Hanbin smiles. He thinks he could hear those words all day, every day, and never get tired of them.   
  
“I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve that, but shit, _thank you.”_ Namjoon can’t do anything except laugh again, and he really hopes that no one’s sitting outside his studio listening. It wouldn’t be the first time a member has walked in on him jerking off, but it’s never been to a live person before. Maybe he should stop saying Hanbin’s name, just to be on the safe side.   
  
Hanbin smiles, because he’s not sure either, but he’s grateful for his decision. It was intoxicating and he’s feeling drunk off the outcome, like he can’t see straight and can’t sit up. He’s going to have to go wash himself off soon enough, because both of his hands are covered in lube. But he just wants to fall asleep, wants to lay back and coast off into a dream. Bad idea, though. While Jinhwan is exceptionally open-minded, Hanbin doesn’t think he’d be too happy to come back to Hanbin passed out on top of his sheets, hands covered in his own drying cum.   
  
That might prompt an uncomfortable conversation.   
  
So he finally forces himself to try and sit up, but he doesn’t get very far, because he’s got precisely zero energy. Instead he ends up rolling off the pillows, laying face down beside them. He’s not sure if he’s still visible in the camera. Probably just his ass, and the thought makes him start giggling uncontrollably.   
  
Namjoon watches him laying sideways on the bed, and when Hanbin starts giggling Namjoon can’t help but feel the greatest rush of affection for him. He barely knows him, but he feels so soft for him all of a sudden. “You okay over there?” Namjoon asks, and finally Hanbin rolls again, dropping down off the side of the bed and shuffling over until he’s right in front of the camera, only his eyes and forehead on the screen.   
  
“Yeah I’m good.” Hanbin replies, and he lays his head on the bed. They stare at each other for a good minute, and maybe it’s a little weird, how it’s not awkward at all. Hanbin tells him that he’s got to go and wash himself up, and Namjoon just says okay, but neither of them mention hanging up, so Hanbin doesn’t. He takes a few minutes, and during that time the nerves finally hit him again.   
  
What if he goes back out there and Namjoon’s hung up on him, and then he never returns Hanbin’s call ever again? What if this was a one time thing, and Hanbin comes out of it feeling used and hurt? He still barely knows Namjoon, after all. This is still a potential disaster.   
  
When he can’t stall himself any longer he finally leaves the bathroom and walks slowly back to the bed, but to his immediate relief he sees Namjoon still there in his phone screen, and it makes him smile. He lays down on the bed in front of the phone, grabbing a pillow to put under his head.   
  
“Hey.” He says, and Namjoon smiles back at him.   
  
“Ah, you’re back! I thought you were going to leave me here all night.”   
  
Hanbin grins at the comment. “Would you actually stay all night?” He asks cheekily.   
  
“If you wanted me to, sure.” Namjoon feels the kick of something in his stomach, and it’s nothing like butterflies. It feels so much more serious, somehow.   
  
Hanbin smiles cutely at the answer. “Romantic _and_ creepy,” Hanbin replies, and they both laugh at the same time.   
  
Namjoon sighs and even though he doesn’t want to hang up, he’s pretty sure Hanbin’s going to fall asleep soon, and he really needs to get himself cleaned up and back to work. But he doesn’t want to hang up, he wants to keep his phone connected all night, even just to watch Hanbin sleep. It’s probably creepy, and he’s fine with that. He’s not the only creep in the world.   
  
Hanbin can sense his indecision, and he smiles softly at the phone. “We should probably end this,” he says, and he means the phone call, but suddenly Namjoon’s face looks a little panicked, like he’s about to protest. “I mean the call, tonight.” Hanbin explains, and Namjoon relaxes, and Hanbin thinks it’s cute, somehow, that Namjoon assumed he meant _them._ That’s the last thing Hanbin wants.   
  
“Message me tomorrow, okay?” Namjoon asks, “just so I know this wasn’t some fever dream.”   
  
Hanbin smiles back. “Okay, but only if you message me before you go to sleep so I know it wasn’t just a fever dream when I wake up.”   
  
“Deal.” Namjoon agrees, and he's got nothing but affection in his eyes as he stares at Hanbin through the phone. “Goodnight, Hanbin.”   
  
“Night, hyung.”


End file.
